Helen J. Millington MFPC

Independent Funeral Celebrant

The loss of your loved one is a difficult and painful time and one at which you need the support and kindness of those around you.

My name is Helen Millington and as an independent funeral celebrant, I will work with you and your family to create a beautiful and lasting memory of your loved one. We will celebrate their life, honour their passing and hopefully share some wonderful memories of them along the way.

I am aware that our first meeting may be at a very challenging time for you. However, I will try to ease some of your worries and concerns and make the journey toward saying your final goodbyes as peaceful as possible.

I have personal experience of supporting people dealing with cancer, dementia/Alzheimer’s disease, depression, mental illness, and those who have suffered loss due to suicide. I am empathetic and approachable and have a genuine passion for helping people.

“In the garden of memory, in the palace of dreams…that is where you and I shall meet”. C.S.Lewis.

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Funerals

As an independent celebrant, I deliver services that are bespoke and are tailored to the wishes of each individual family. Religious elements can be included if desired, such as hymns or Bible readings, or alternatively, you may decide to have a non-religious service. Either way, I will work with you to create something beautiful and thoughtful, that honours the memory of your loved one.

I will meet with you in your own home (or over Zoom, if this makes you more comfortable) to discuss what sort of service you would like, whether you want to include any poems or readings, and your choices of music. I welcome any family members or friends who wish to deliver their own memories too, as this may take the form of personal tributes, live music or simply reading the deceased’s favourite poem, all of which helps to make the service personal. If you have any other way of marking your loss that you may want to include, do let me know. Almost anything is possible.

My funeral services are individually created, meaningful and carefully curated in order to reflect the personality and uniqueness of each person.

My ceremonies are positive and uplifting and designed specifically with each family in mind. Dignified, comforting and meaningful, I hope everyone will leave feeling that the loss of your loved one has lessened somewhat by the coming together of all those who loved and cared for them and by sharing your memories and tributes during the service.

Funerals do not have to take the form of a formal service held within a church or crematorium. I am equally as honoured to conduct a Memorial Service or Celebration of Life as you scatter the ashes of someone close to you, have a natural, woodland or eco burial, or at a military funeral. If any of these options feel appropriate for you, do get in touch.

Poetry & Readings

Poetry readings and music

In my previous career as a Speech & Drama teacher, I was a poetry specialist and, as such, am perfectly placed to help you choose fitting and beautiful poetry to include within your service, should you wish. You may decide you would prefer a prose reading, an extract from a favourite song or book, or even something written by yourself. This is a wonderful way of making the service for your loved one unique and special, and I am happy to include whatever elements you would like.

Please see a selection of possible poetry below. If there is nothing here that you like, please feel free to talk to me about another choice, I have a vast collection of poetry to choose from, therefore we are bound to find something to suit your individual needs.

“Like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in times of sorrow”. Robert Louis Stevenson.

Death, be not proud.
Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think’st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul’s delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell’st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

John Donne.

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year’s leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year’s bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go, – so with his memory they brim.
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, ‘There is no memory of him here!’
And so stand stricken, so remembering him.

Edna St Vincent Millay

The Kaleidascope

To climb these stairs again, bearing a tray,
Might be to find you pillowed with your books,
Your inventories listing gowns and frocks
As if preparing for a holiday.
Or, turning from the landing, I might find
My presence watched through your kaleidoscope,
A symmetry of husbands, each redesigned
In lovely forms of foresight, prayer and hope.
I climb these stairs a dozen times a day
And, by that open door, wait, looking in
At where you died. My hands become a tray
Offering me, my flesh, my soul, my skin.
Grief wrongs us so. I stand, and wait, and cry
For the absurd forgiveness, not knowing why.

Douglas Dunn.

Crossing the Bar

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;

For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crost the bar.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

If I should go.

If I should go before the rest of you

Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone

Nor when I’m gone speak in a

Sunday voice

But be the usual selves that I have known

Weep if you must

parting is hell.

But life goes on

So sing as well.

Joyce Grenfell.

You can shed tears that he is gone,

           or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he’ll come back,

or you can open your eyes and see all he’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him,

or you can be full of the love you have shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he’s gone,

or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,

or you can do what he’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Anon.

“Only a moment you stayed, but what an imprint your footsteps have left on our hearts”. Dorothy Ferguson.

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